Tuesday, November 22, 2016
A Dog walks into a Bar......
A dog limps into a bar looking for the man who shot his Pa.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey! Why such a long face?”
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve mushrooms in here.” The mushroom replies, “Why not? I’m a fungi!”
A sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here!”
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve ropes in here.” The rope walks outside, ties a knot in the middle of his body, brushes out the strands at the bottom and heads back into the bar. The bartender says, “Aren’t you the rope I just threw out of here?” The rope replies, “No, I’m a frayed knot.”
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender says to them, “I’ll serve you two, but don’t start anything.”
Two peanuts walk into a bar that’s patronized by a rough crowd. One was assaulted.
A pony walks into a bar and whispers to the bartender, “Can I have a beer?” The bartender replies, “Sure, but why are you whispering?” The pony answers, “I’m sorry. I’m just a little hoarse.”
Two cannibals were sitting in a bar having drinks and munching on a clown. One cannibal says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer and a mop.”
A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Hey! We’ve got a drink named after you!” Surprised, the grasshopper replies, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”
A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. He grabs the leash and starts swinging the dog round and round over his head. The bartender rushes over and asks the blind man, “What are you doing?” The blind man very calmly replies, “Just looking around.”
A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar…tender here?”
A giraffe walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Let me guess, a longneck.
A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, “I’m sorry, but I can’t serve you.” The snake replies, “Why not?” The bartender answers, “’Cause you can’t hold your liquor.”
A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “What’ll you have?” The baby seals replies, “Anything but a Canadian Club.”
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?” The bartender replies, “I’m not sure. What does he look like?”
A bear walks into a bar, sits down and asks, “Can I have a margarita and ……….. a sandwich?” The bartender answers, “Sure, but why the big pause?”
A giraffe walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender serves him and says, “That’ll be $7.50. Hey! We don’t get many of your kind in here.” The giraffe replies, “At $7.50 a beer, I can see why not.”