Oy Vey God Save America from Donny T. What a Fertummelt Fercockt Shmendrik Donald Trump Revealed How He'll Force Mexico to Pay for the Wall, and It's Pretty Nuts

Donald Trump finally outlined a plan for funding his oft-discussed behemoth wall across the Mexican border on Tuesday, and it's about as wild as you'd expect.

The Republican frontrunner has been bellowing about the wall for a while now as part of his angry pitch about scary immigrants. But a two-page memo released to the Washington Post represents his first attempt at providing a strategy for getting the thing built—besides broadsides about making Mexico pay.

That's still basically the plan, though.

Seeing as how the former president of Mexico has already made it clear to Trump that the country won't just "pay for that fucking wall," the Donald has hatched a strong-armed business scheme that might have come straight from the pages of The Art of the Deal.

Here's how he's going to make Mexico pay for the Great Wall of Trump in three days or less:

On day one, Trump will lean on provisions of the Patriot Act to block some wire transfers from the US to Mexico, preventing immigrants from sending cash home without proof that they are legal. (Some experts the Post talked to are skeptical he can even make this happen under current law, but whatever.)

On day two, according to Trump, Mexico will erupt in protests, since immigrants in the US are—according to him—responsible for about $24 billion flowing into Mexico each year. (Trump's a little confused, since that number actually refers to the amount of money sent into Mexico from the rest of the world, not just the US.) When that alleged flow of money stops, Trump basically suspects riots won't be far behind.

The Mexican government, faced with a country of enraged citizens, will then be given the chance to kick President Trump a "one-time payment of $5–10 billion" to keep the wire transfers flowing from the US to Mexico. (That's day three.)

The multi-billion dollar payment from Mexico will go toward building expenses for the wall, and well, there you go.

"We have the moral high ground here, and all the leverage," Trump writes in his strangely crumpled memo, which includes mention of drugs and gangs. "It is time we use it in order to Make America Great Again."