Know all about it.My ex was someone I nicked from a down south Kibbutz.She was born on one where her parenst and brothers still lived, then moved to an adjacent one and worked on a third as a youth something or anotherand just my lick, so amicable and unopinionated was she, that she , ''liked by all with no faribles with any'''. A farible may have halved the zillion she "just had to invite' but no such luck. Her zillion close kibbutz family and friends to my 93 guests . We had a small and intimate wedding in Zion with lots of ,''about time" and 'her parents deserve grandkids soon'' and since tact isn't a kibbutz attribute , "is she pregnant with triplets or a bit overweight or is it the dress ... sight and tact are somewhat influenced by eleventeen shots of free vodka and six wiskey chasers".
Wish one of the zillion guests of my first basheet now x had mentioned she was a nogschlepper delux skilled at burning water and her gourmet skills including adding sugar to Cabernet Sauvignon de Rothschild 65 and white wine . She kvetched at the smell of poopaloo that I found devine and I became the King of Diaper Changing in Zion by default but mainly by request and absolute insistence. These were the greatest years and times of my life raising two kids with my basheret now x , the amicable nogschlepper still in bed and shirking responsibility by my side at 2.26 pm in the afternoon and probably faking sleep. 10 years I continued the charade 'for the sake of the kids' then IPoed and exited . Mom's are always right. Should have listened to her and 'married who she referred as " God's Gift to Mother-In-Law" .... their were two. One departed for London and the other returned to Bolivia . Both daughter of Yekkas delux . My first basheret now x ..... a mixed but 100% Separdi... a real cocktail... one part Turkish, one part Egyptian, one part Morocco, one part Tunisian but born in Italy. I cannot be more Ashkenazi if I tried half Polish, One part Latvian and one part English who had Russian parents..... and my two kids are now tagged as half breds in Zion
Now back on the market after a 10 year timeout ..... finding hooking up with Basheret 2.0 actually quite had going and difficult.... eben if target age is late 30's to whatever age but with biological clock still ticking as it should. Finders fee and equity stake for anyone matching the King of diaper changing with Basheret 2,0
Israeli hip-hop sensation E-Z's latest hit - exclusively with English subtitles - lampoons the plight of the single Jewish person at a wedding, being told by well-meaning friends and relatives: "Soon by You!"
Lyrics:
You're next
The parents are waiting for you to have a family
And that you'll love your wife
Tell me how much can a person hear?
You're next
For you too we'll sing all the joy and happiness
With your sweetheart
Really, my brain is already fried
It's not fair
I received an invite from yet another friend who's getting married
Simply unbelievable
After my brother and my sister and even my neighbor's daughter
So tell the waitress she should bring another dish
And bring me a mike I'll wake up the neighborhood
Who can put words to the melody
No wonder I'm always drunk at weddings
'Cause I have some 4953 relatives touch wood
And no one misses an opportunity to tell me at each event...
You're next
The parents are waiting for you to have a family
And that you'll love your wife
Tell me how much can a person hear?
You're next
We'll sing for you too all the joy and happiness
With your sweetheart
Really, my brain is already fried
My head explodes from all the advice
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
When will that cupid stick in you the arrow
So that you'll be able to put an end to singlehood
I don't know how much longer I'll have to wait
They say that every pot has its lid so stop worrying
When they ask me why I don't think about the future
I'm dying to get married and give you a son just so they can stop saying
You're next
The parents are waiting for you to have a family
And that you'll love your wife
Tell me how much can a person hear?
You're next
For you too we'll sing all the joy and happiness
With your sweetheart
Really, my brain is already fried
A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.
He sits uneasily in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account."
"If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account."
"However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not sure what to do. What do you suggest?"
All silent at this point, the mother, placed a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "So, you'll try again."
Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.
He sits uneasily in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
"Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account."
"If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account."
"However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not sure what to do. What do you suggest?"
All silent at this point, the mother, placed a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "So, you'll try again."
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